Seven of Your New Favorite Evil Sweaters

Believe it or not, the people working at a company that specializes in haunted house props aren’t exactly known as a stylish bunch. Our CEO, Doug, usually wears a simple t-shirt and jeans while our fabricator, Max,  wears hunting pants and whatever death metal/grindcore shirt he found on the ground last weekend. And although we’re proud of our Creative Director, Scott, and his growing collection of horror movie shirts from Fright Rags, we’re lucky we’re not being paid to look cool.

Enter the emerging world of Halloween sweaters – the only festive garment you’re likely to see our kind tastelessly wearing around the Thanksgiving dinner table. And although we’re not still won over just yet, we decided these were at least cool enough to share with our friends.

 

7. SATANIC BLACK METAL SNOWMAN
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A reasonably ingenious website called Shredders Apparel has started making edgy, knit sweaters. The sweater that first attracted me to the site was of the popular demon, Baphomet, along with some stylish inverted crosses and pentagrams. But after browsing the site for a minute, I quickly realized the true gem: the coldest of all frostbitten creatures. This tormented frozen snowbeast angrily raises his wooden claws in the air while what appears to be a church burns behind him. Not bad, guys.

 

6. ZOMBIE ATTACK HOODIE
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ThinkGeek has unveiled a decent-looking Zombie Attack Hoodie, although we’ve collectively decided that it needs a lot more blood. And perhaps someone modeling it that doesn’t look like a teen heart-throb from Dawson’s Creek or something.

 

5. SLAYER SWEATER
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It’s a SLAYER SWEATER. Do we really need to say anything more?

 

4. ANTI-CHRISTMAS SWEATER
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While not as visually stunning as the Satanic Snowman, we’ve included the Anti-Christmas Sweater mostly because of the name of the site that is selling it – THE GRINDSTORE. Just ignore the unfortunate fact that half the bands on the front page of the site happen to totally suck. The only way they can redeem themselves and honor their amazing name is by fulfilling our fabricator Max’s demands for a crochet angora sweater with the cover of Repulsion’s “Horrified” record knit on it.

 

3. SKI MASK SWEATER
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Von Sono (also known as Stephanie Osberg) has created the only sweater likely to get you tackled while waiting in line at a bank. It’s a good thing it’s 2013 and we’re all just Instagramming our money through the Bitcoin network, 24/7. Whatever that means.

 

2. PENTAGRAM SWEATER VEST
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If there’s one thing that’s for certain, if Satan is real he is probably wearing a sweater vest right now. Just don’t wear this one out — getting bullied for wearing a normal sweater vest is hard enough.
1. THIS TERRIFYING CLOWN SWEATER
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Perhaps not what you first thought of when you heard the words “evil sweater”, we all can agree that this clown sweater is probably the scariest thing we’ve ever seen. One look at this guy’s facial expression and it’s easy to understand that either someone took a dump on his heart or surely this sweater was knit by evil demons in the carcass of Hitler himself. Wait a second – is that Wil Wheaton from Star Trek? If you follow the link, there’s even an old photo gallery preserved on the internet of other weirdos wearing this thing. Yikes, man.

Related products at FrightProps.com

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